Show Some Ovaries!

Show Some Ovaries!

This is actually part 2 of the last post, “Jesus the Wuss.”

While I have heard a thousand times that men need to start  “having some balls” (a statement I have never fully understood) I have never heard of a woman being admonished to “have some ovaries.” Wouldn’t that make equal sense?

Here is an actual sentence I heard from a Christian leader in a previous church where I worked: “She has more balls than most of you men in this room.”

Translation: She has courage, and as a female that is peculiar; but as men it should come naturally to you. Shame on you for having a woman show more courage than you.”

I once spoke at a Promise Keepers (PK) event with 10,000 men in attendance. In fairness, my friend, who PK really wanted to hear from, was unable to speak so he asked me to fill in for him.

The event traumatized me. This is my summary of it:

  • Because you have a penis, you are special.
  • God has a special mission for you–go find some ovaries and get them to see how special you are.
  • Be nice to the ovaries, but remember they want you to “lead them” because ovaries apparently get lost easily.

My last post generated some strong reactions, online and offline, alike. The crux of the disagreement over my take on Jesus and masculinity has to do with the perception by some that the church is attempting to emasculate men. I have heard that claim for the past 20 years.

The response to the emasculation of men in the church usually goes something like this — men are supposed to “reject passivity” and develop the following characteristics:

  • a strong backbone–a sense of moral conviction,
  • courage in the face of opposition,
  • the ability to lead by setting a strong example of moral purity and devotion to Christ,
  • taking the initiative in matters of faith
  • a servant’s heart (do “her” job- dishes, cleaning, child-care)
  • a desire to rescue women

REMIND ME, WHY ARE THESE MALE QUALITIES?

They are exactly the same qualities I see in my wife, April, the most important woman in my life. April has on numerous occasions saved my ass. She has swooped in, and with courage, backbone and the ability to rescue has shown me a better way. I would hope that I could return the favor.

I also co-pastor with my friend Kathy Escobar, and on numerous occasions I have seen her face opposition with amazing courage and resolve. I hope I do the same.

I have learned to be sober, chaste and caring by learning from both men and women. If I only learned those things from other men, I would only be half the man I am.

I read, in a very popular book of the last decade, that men are made to be wild and they need a battle to fight, an adventure to live and a beauty to rescue. But don’t women want to overcome, live adventurously, and find someone to love? And about the whole rescuer/rescuee thing, shouldn’t a man at least ask permission before he assumes a woman wants to be rescued? And what happens when a man finds himself in deep doo-doo? Can’t a woman help a brother out?

I never worry about whether I am man enough. It never crosses my mind. I am a man.  That is enough for me. The only common trait I have found among all men is that they all have a penis. Because most men have a certain trait, does not make that trait desirable, exclusive of women or a prerequisite to being a man.

I have never heard my wife complain that I wasn’t manly, only that I was acting like a butthole. In my experience, that condition is common to both sexes.

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This entry was posted in Christian Culture, men, New Models and Paradigms, Uncategorized, womens issues. Bookmark the permalink.

31 Responses to Show Some Ovaries!

  1. Here’s my experience with the church’s expectations of men: they led me to have unrealistic expectations of my husband. Those unmet expectations led me to be frustrated and to dream of something “better”. Those daydreams led me to withhold love from my husband. The church’s expectations of men can lead women to put men in the role that only belongs to God. And the father of lies wouldn’t have it any other way.
    I wonder what it’s like to be in a marriage where mutual respect for each person’s identity exists. I bet it’s safe and relaxing and comforting.

  2. lovestoski50 says:

    You have come a long way baby. I appreciate your authentic approach. Watch the potty mouth though. 🙂

  3. Pingback: 5 verbs each for equality | kathy escobar.

  4. Balls = Testosterone = violent aggression = selfish, lustfilled drives … hmmm
    Overies = a release of life; the hope of something created, something changed, nurtured … hmmm

    Thanks Karl!

  5. kathyescobar says:

    oh i wrote a comment & then it disappeared. here’s what i think i said: when i read wild at heart, i loved it, and didn’t think of it as a male book but a human book. so many good things in there about living more bravely. but, in terms of stereotypes for men, yikes. and then, right after that out came “captivating”, which was the female version, about women wanting to be the beauty who was rescued & little girls twirling around in ballerina suits. i put it down after the first chapter and threw it in the garbage, for real. such a bummer, all these ways we have limited men & women. it’s fun to see so many wanting greater and greater freedom and refusing to participate in the madness.

    • karlw says:

      my thoughts exactly- i love the concepts, hate the limiting of them to one gender.
      i do believe it is more dangerous on the male side because if a woman says no, does that mean a man must try harder to prove there love so she will know they are not a wimp? that is dangerous.

  6. Karl, I heard so many times that if men did the dishes, helped do the wash, make dinner, etc that we would get what we want –more sex. What a crock of BS! I was already doing those things and it didn’t affect my sex life at all. I would yell at xtian radio every time I heard that! Xtian films like “courageous ” and others put an unrealistic view of what a xtian man is. Thanks for having the ovaries to write this! I finally gained some ovaries and wrote a blog after reading Kathy Escobars blog. Here’s the link : http//michaeljcraft.wordpress.com

  7. It is so encouraging to see brothers and sisters transcending the straightjackets into which the church has placed men and women. Here is a little story that captures the essence of being a ballerina and “wild at heart” – of being HUMAN. It was the last day of my ski season. I put on my makeup, did my hair, and headed for the slopes. After having hip replacement surgery two years ago, I have been a bit more tentative and avoided extreme terrain. The last two runs of the day, one of my friends, an expert skiier, encouraged me to ski a double black diamond with him. I decided to go for it. I have never felt more alive. It wasn’t easy, but it felt exhilarating to be “wild at heart”. I wouldn’t be caught dead on the slopes without my makeup (You can take the girl out of Texas, but you can’t take Texas out of the girl.), and yet; this 51 yr old ballerina with a hip-replacement kicked ass!!! – a feat that many of my male counterparts could only dream of. Why can’t we all just be human – a unique combination of ballerina and balls?

  8. Elizabeth Chapin says:

    So glad to see you showin’ some ovaries here!

  9. Jim Fisher says:

    The X-chromosome contains about 10% of the entire human genome — roughly 2,000 of the 20,000 total. It’s what we men inherited from our mothers and yet we spend all our time focusing on what makes us male — the y-chromosome — which has 78 genes. Do the math, guys. Embrace your X and become more of what you were created to be.

    • karlw says:

      wow, that is some interesting math. paying attention in high school would have paid off…

    • Priceless information. In addition, there is a gene on the Y chromosome that must be “expressed” on order for the unborn child to develop as a male. In other words, the gene has to be “turned on”. If it is not, then the child develops as a female. Jamie Lee Curtis is an example of a woman with XY, with the unexpressed gene.

      • karlw says:

        “let us make people in our image”
        God

      • Jim Fisher says:

        I actually like the idea that I develop my maleness from female stock and not the other way around (Adam’s rib and all that). I suspect a few genes on my y-chromosome turn off some genes on the X-chromosome that actually makes me a little less of the woman I started out to be. Guys? Are you starting to squirm yet? The challenge for us, of course, is to not think we are more important or more human just because our stock (female) genitalia has been modified to be a tad bigger and more externally obvious.

  10. karlw says:

    I keep thinking “made in Our Image” and what that implies related to all the plumbing, thanks jim

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